The Late Night Icon
Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
Johnny Carson
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Johnny Carson
I know you’ve been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.
Johnny Carson
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
Johnny Carson
If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
Johnny Carson
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
Johnny Carson
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
Johnny Carson
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
Johnny Carson
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson
We’re more effective than birth control pills.
Johnny Carson
When turkeys mate they think of swans. Johnny Carson