The friend asks, “How so?”
“My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of
inflation, and both of these together are putting me into
a deep depression!”
As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold
a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or
friends, who had died while traveling through the area. The
funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country,
and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost;
and being a typical man I did not stop for directions. I finally
arrived an hour late.
I saw the crew, eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in
sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped
to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already
in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them long but
this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured
out my heart and soul. As I preached, the workers began to say
“Amen,” “Praise the Lord,” and “Glory,” I preached, and I
preached, like I’d never preached before: from Genesis all the
way to Revelations.
I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my
car. I felt I had done my duty for the homeless man and that
the crew would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and
dedication, in spite of my tardiness.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard
one of the workers saying to another, “I ain’t never seen
anything like this before… and I’ve been putting in septic tanks
for twenty years.”
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“Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.
Have you been drinking?”
The man gets really indignant and says,
“Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?”
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He is so striking that the woman can not take her eyes off him.
The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly
toward her.
Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring he leans
over and whispers, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything that
you want me to do for $20… But, on one condition.”
Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is.
The man replies, “You have to tell me what you want me to
do in just three words.”
The woman considers his proposition for a moment and
then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses
into the man’s hand along with her address.
She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and
meaningfully says, “Clean my house!”