One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor
about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois.
“Our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from
him we have to go to the dictionary.”
“You’re lucky,” the neighbor said. “Every time we get a
letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!”
An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office.
When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied,
“I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then
said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old.
What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”
The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor thought some more and continued,
“How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s
orange juice and I sleep better at night.”
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman
sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage,
he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,
“Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs,
“NO! I won’t sleep with you tonight!”
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally,
the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and
he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and
apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I
embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in
psychology, and I’m studying how people respond to
embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs,
“What do you mean $200?”
http://bit.ly/c0oOWy
“I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want novacaine
because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said.
“Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and
we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed.
“You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said.
“Which tooth is it?”
The woman turned to her husband and said,
“Show him your tooth, dear.”
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come
nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,
“You know what? You have been with me all through the
bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?”
“What dear?” She gently asked, smiling as her heart began
to fill with warmth.
“I think you’re bad luck.”
He is so striking that the woman can not take her eyes off him.
The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly
toward her.
Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring he leans
over and whispers, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything that
you want me to do for $20… But, on one condition.”
Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is.
The man replies, “You have to tell me what you want me to
do in just three words.”
The woman considers his proposition for a moment and
then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses
into the man’s hand along with her address.
She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and
meaningfully says, “Clean my house!”